Which Is Better?

Which Is Better?
 To Live Life In Ignorance That This Body And Mind Are Slowly Being Destroyed?
 Or To Go About My Days Wondering What Was Wrong And Never Knowing 
 Living More Peacefully, 
 Maybe More Stupidly. 
 Yo Soy La Malformada 
 I Am The Malformed 
 The Very Tissues Of My Body Are Mutations 
 The Collagen-
 The Essential Building Blocks Of Our Eyes Our Organs Our Brains Our Hearts 
 Is Distorted
 Because Of This I Pass Through Life Feeling Sick 
 Always Sick Enough To Keep Loving
 Never Sick Enough To Be Allowed To Rest 
 And Always Sick Enough To Feel Sick Of Living 
 What Is Better To Die A Young Death?
 Or To Dream Of Dying Middle-Aged? 
 Or Wait-
 Silver-Headed And Crying For Heaven 
 What Is Better?
 To Ask My Hands Why They Betray Me And The Instruments I Tired To Play
 But Which Were Too Weak. 
 Or To Resist My Passions 
 For The Pain They Bring?